hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
