Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
