I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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