I think I just saw someone hide a body.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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