i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
