College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
