Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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