so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
