I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Threesome in a minivan. New low
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
