Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
