I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
