i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
