Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
