I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
the night ended with taco bell and tears
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
