just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
