One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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