Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
