All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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