Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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