You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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