She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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