Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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