I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
