Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
please come you make the beer taste better
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize