I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm too high and old for this...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
