I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
