The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
