I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
