i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
