I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize