Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize