I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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