the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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