Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
