He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
