It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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