do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
