don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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