WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
