she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
