Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
