Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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