I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
