I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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