I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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