So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize