I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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