Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
