I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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