I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
