she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
