Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
