So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
