Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
