She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
