You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
