this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I forget how to act sober
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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