I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
