i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
