i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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