so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
