I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
