you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
