So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i came on her dog
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
