need another drink. this is the easiest way
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
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Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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