I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
