In the future we'll all be gay
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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