i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The police scanner is talking about you again....
organizing the empties. That sober.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
