what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
