I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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