Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize