fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you didnt know i had herpes?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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