Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
