i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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