Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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