i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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