Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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