Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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