I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
