Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
