Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
