i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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