Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
