So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
