Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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