I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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