great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
