one two three fourrrrnication!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
