No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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