I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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