I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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